Certified sex expert Dr. Rica Cruz shared her thoughts on first-time pains, penis sizes, and how to adjust to different libidos between couples
Let’s make it clear—sex doesn’t have to hurt or be awkward. With full, informed consent and communication between sexual partners, sex can be fun and pleasurable. The same is true even for those in dry spells or are experiencing it for the first time, yet some still feel undue fear over it. With that, sex and relationships therapist Dr. Rica Cruz assuages fears by giving the lowdown on the elasticity of vaginas, how to make first times hurt less, and how couples with different libidos can rekindle their spark.
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First-time fears
First things first, it should be understood that you do not need to be well-endowed to be able to pleasure your sexual partner. In fact, according to Dr. Rica, the length of the penis is not as important as the girth, since a thick one can make a woman feel more full. Besides that, most women orgasm through clitorial stimulation, anyway. Dr. Rica added that some women even prefer a shorter penis—but because they’re afraid of pain.
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However, against popular belief, penetration doesn’t need to hurt or make you bleed. For one thing, Dr. Rica said that a vagina can stretch up to 200 times its size when giving birth, so there’s no penis big enough to stretch a vagina. But to stretch during sexual intercourse, you have to be aroused, and part of the equation is being informed in sex education. After all, it’s media misconceptions that have worsened the fear surrounding first-times. Women, as a result, anticipate pain and bleeding, according to Dr. Rica. And when it’s in their heads, they may not enjoy it and thus, see it as painful.
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“You can have good sex during your first time. Just make sure that you are aroused, make sure that you are relaxed, and make sure that the person you’re with makes you feel safe. Because that’s the only time that you will be able to let go and actually feel pleasure,” Dr. Rica said. Besides that, she recommends using a lubricant to help make the process not only go smoother, but also feel more pleasurable. “I couldn’t emphasize more on using lubricants. It doesn’t matter if you’re young or you’re old—use lube.”
For longtime lovers
Of course, these fears and insecurities are not reserved for blushing virgins. Even longtime lovers worry about whether they’re hurting or pleasuring their partner, so Dr. Rica’s advice to use lubricants—flavored ones, for example—is particularly relevant.
One of the many challenges that couples, both new and old, encounter is being in tune with each other’s bodies. For Dr. Rica, for couples that have dissimilar libidos, balance is an ideal word. She said they have to understand that there will be times when they are sexually in tune with each other, and also times when they’re not. When they’re experiencing this kind of dry spell, she thinks they just need to ride that flow.
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On the other hand, if one of the people in the relationship has a higher sexual drive, they need to talk about it first. Otherwise, a lack of communication might cause problems. Dr. Rica also advised couples to explore other options, like masturbating in front of each other. This is in line with her recommendations of not rejecting the idea of sex outright whenever your partner is horny when you’re not.
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“Because that will be taken as ‘this person doesn’t like me anymore,’ and every time the person initiates and they get rejected, eventually, they will stop, right? So what I tell [them to say is] ‘I’m not in the mood, I’m just really tired, but maybe we can schedule it this time.’ And there should be a follow-through,” Dr. Rica said. She added that long-term couples benefit from doing this because they actually anticipate that time when they schedule it and they say, ‘Okay, let’s just have sex on Saturday. Let’s go out, have a date or have a drink,’ and they have sex because they anticipate it. They get more excited and they get more aroused.”
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With all that said, Dr. Rica clarified that this strategy only works for some couples. That’s why she thinks it’s very important for partners to also go to therapy together so they can address their problems sooner rather than later.
The post Let’s Talk About Sex: First Times, Sizes, and Libido appeared first on MEGA.
Let’s Talk About Sex: First Times, Sizes, and Libido
Source: Insta News Pinoy
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